Kids do indeed say the darnedest things, and around the Snailum house, we’re never short of a good one-liner. Between the logic-driven quirkiness of our autistic son, the creative genius of our other, and the innocent princess-ness of our daughter, we are constantly rolling in laughter, or being challenged in our thinking. So now, for your enjoyment, here’s a sampling of the mind of a Snailum child:
Samuel (9): “Mom, can I ask you a question?”
Mom: “Of course.”
Samuel: “Well, at 6:00 am in the night, when you and daddy were sleeping, I used the night-vision goggles to sneak into your room and look at my Christmas presents.”
Mom: “Oh, I see. Thank you for telling me. And how does that decision make you feel now?”
Samuel: “Well, kind of sad, because they weren’t bright enough and I couldn’t see them very well.”
Mom: “Okay, and is that the only thing that makes you sad?
Donnie leading the boys in a bible study of the wedding at Cana (where Jesus turns water into wine)
Donnie: “Sam, what was the big miracle that day?”
Samuel (8): “Jesus invited his mother.”
Silas (2) – While watching his sister’s diaper change: “Where is sister’s penis?”
Mom: “Girls don’t have one honey.”
Silas: “Oh, ok”
later that day at the lunch table with great-grandma…
Mom: “Silas, tell Mimi what you learned today.”
Silas: “Well, I learned that girls have 1 – 2 butts. One butt in the front and one butt in the back.”
Mom: “Boys, no one gets cake tonight until all the toys downstairs are picked up.”
Samuel (6): “Well mom, I don’t care much for sugar anymore, but thank you.”
Silas (5): “I care very much for sugar.”
Silas (5): “Mom, I want to take you on a date, but I’m not big enough to drive. Can you pay, too?”
Samuel (7): “God makes the grown-up boys and the grown-up girls and the grown-up girls make the babies.”
Silas (6): “No, God makes the babies too, and just puts them in there.”
Adalie (3) Walks up to painting of Jesus: “Thank you for taking away my tummy ache.”
Mom: “Si, what’s that?”
Silas (6): “It’s a sign-up sheet for kids in my class who don’t know Jesus and want to learn. I’m teaching a class at recess.”
Samuel (7): “There’s no school on Monday, it’s memory day. That’s when we worship people who died.”
Mom: “Adalie, where do you come up with the cute things you say?”
Adalie (3): “Um, from my mouth.”
Silas (7): “Mom, is it true that in golf, the lowest score is the best?”
Silas: “Then if I never play, I’ll be the best golfer ever!”
I’m a child!
Silas (7) after falling off his bike and scraping his knee: “I need medical attention!”
Dad: “Silas, are you a boy?”
Silas: “I am a child! not a grown man who plays football!”
Mom: “Sam, I am going to grab Silas from school. Keep the doors locked and don’t open them.”
Samuel (8): “OK, oh, and mom? I’ll try not to sneak any marshmallows or Fruit Roll-ups while you are gone.”
Random adult: “How long does it take to drive to Vancouver?”
Silas (5): “About 3 movies”
Mom: “No, we’re not buying that kind of juice, it’s too expensive.”
Silas (7): “Well mom, I think I need to spend my money because my heart’s becoming attached to it.”
We make the kids say 5-nice things each to each other when they’re in a fight:
Adalie to Sam:
“Your transformer looks nice.
Your coat looks nice.
Your shorts look nice.
Your teeth are really shiny.
Your eyes look like a rainbow.”
Samuel to Adalie:
“Your eyes look like a rainbow too.
Your shoes are on the right feet, good job.
Your coat looks nice.
The bird houses you painted are good. You are nice.